Sexuality, Heterosexuality and Gender Hierarchy: Getting Our Priorities Straight

The personal ad began, “Must be gay? Guess again girlfriend!” Alan 2 is a 35-year-old male who ran this ad in search of a woman. He wants a woman who is attracted to a man who is open to expressing his feelings and listening to those of his partner. Alan is comfortable being in women&s;s space and conversing on topics that are often more appealing to women than most men he encounters. Alan is heterosexual in his sexual experience and his erotic desires. At the same time, he is a member of a support group of men who identify as gay and bisexual, as well as having members, like Alan, who identify as straight. Alan publicly advocates an end to homophobia and heterosexism, and attends retreats and workshops with gay and bisexual men. Many of his physical mannerisms are “feminine”—he uses his hands when he talks, becomes excited and enthusiastic when he shares ideas, his soft voice rises to a higher pitch during these moments, and he cries more, and more openly, than the average guy. “Must be gay… ” has been a common refrain Alan has heard from women he has dated about why they did not initially pursue him, and one he has heard from males about their perception of Alan&s;s sexual orientation. Alan is one example of a straight male who “crosses the border” of both masculinity and sexuality to become what I have come to think of as a “queer-straight” male.