Interpersonal goals, others' regard for the self, and self‐esteem: The paradoxical consequences of self‐image and compassionate goals

Abstract People often adopt self‐image goals to increase others' regard for them and perhaps their own self‐esteem. But do these impression management goals achieve their intended result in close relationships? And do they endure over time? We suggest that self‐image goals predict decreased self‐esteem and close others' regard for the self through decreased responsiveness to others. In contrast, compassionate goals, which reflect a genuine concern for others' well‐being, predict increased self‐esteem and others' regard through increased responsiveness. We tested these hypotheses in a longitudinal study of college roommates followed across a semester. Path analyses supported both predictions, suggesting a paradox for interpersonal goals in close relationships: explicit attempts to increase close others' regard for the self backfire and damage self‐esteem, but having goals to meet others' needs result in others' positive regard and promote self‐esteem. Copyright © 2011 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.